I'm not strong enough!

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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I'm not strong enough!

Postby SEW » Apr 16, 2013 1:04 pm

There, I said it. I'm not strong enough to go through HG again! I'm currently 7 weeks 2 days with my first pregnancy and have moderate (I guess) HG. I'm miserable. I hate life right now. It's hard to even be happy about being pregnant. Hell, this dark place I'm in right now has me wondering about my marriage and motherhood... just LIFE! I used to be such a happy, busy-body type person, but there is NO WAY I can go through this again.

DH and I planned to have at least 2, maybe 3 children. This was all I ever had in my mind for a fulfilled life until the day I die. DH wants whatever I want, so he is truly being supportive. I really have no dilemma. I've already decided that I am going to have a planned c-section and tubal ligation for this baby. How is this so easy for me to say??? It seems like everyone else I've heard of breaks down and decides to have another one, and I've been told I'll do the same. I really don't think so, lol! I don't see myself "forgetting" about the HG whilst being "lost" in my child's eyes and thinking it was all worth it.

I don't have to make a decision now, I know. I'm just wondering if I'm even cut out for motherhood seeing as I can just say this so easily. I can totally see DH and me being happy with just one child. I'm even going to go out on a limb here and say that my "selfishness" would keep me from getting pregnant again even if, God forbid, something were to happen to this pregnancy. Can ANYONE identify with me???
DS born November 2013. Mild HG from 5 weeks - 14 weeks, NVP til delivery.
Expecting #2 due March 2015. NVP began 4 weeks. Early treatment with Zofran and Doxyl., increasing dosage as symptoms worsen.
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby leahmsilverman » Apr 16, 2013 4:22 pm

I know exactly how you feel. My only advice is to hold off on decided on a tubal ligation until you are not pregnancy anymore. It is not really a good decision to make while you're experiencing HG. It sucks and it is lonely and being this sick for this long does a serious number on your psyche. You're mental capacities are compromised. :lol:

Seriously, though. During my first I kept saying I'll never do this again. My mom (who also had HG) convinced me to not make any decisions until later. And sure enough I decided on a second child. After that, I really did make the decision not to have any more. Twice was enough. But, then, you know, I tried natural family planning (I can't take birth controls, they mess me up.) and here I am now. I'm focusing on the fact that I get to have one more baby in my life, but this was definitely an unplanned pregnancy. So, I am going to do a tubal ligation this time around... but it is a road I've been down before and I know what I'm facing. I don't think it is wise for you to make the decision until you've had some time between you and your first go at HG.

Of course, we'll all support you no matter what you decide. HG is brutal and we all have to deal with it in our own way. If you truly don't feel you can ever face it again, I certainly don't blame you. I feel the same dang way. Just, think about it.

Hugs to you.
DS 12/22/08, hg from 10wks to birth
DS 09/15/10, hg from 6wks to birth
DS due in 08/2013, hg from 4wks to birth
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby SEW » Apr 16, 2013 7:47 pm

Thank you, Leah. I guess I'll just have to see how the rest of this pregnancy goes. Also, every HG sufferer I've heard of had it worse in subsequent pregnancies. I do not want to have to come to the decision to terminate, so I rather just have my tubes tied. I guess I'm just scared of the unknown, but your words of support are helpful. Thank you :oops:
DS born November 2013. Mild HG from 5 weeks - 14 weeks, NVP til delivery.
Expecting #2 due March 2015. NVP began 4 weeks. Early treatment with Zofran and Doxyl., increasing dosage as symptoms worsen.
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby aaronsmommy » Apr 16, 2013 8:49 pm

Yep, I was like you and said I would never do it again with my first pregnancy. I lost that baby and then I said it again with my second. I did not have another, but if I could have convinced my husband to I probably would have.

I have been around the forums since before I was pregnant with my son who is almost 10 1/2. I have seen countless messages that were virtually identical to yours and the majority have gone on to have another one or more! Only a few have only children. I have seen others who did do something permanent get tubal ligation and vasectomy reversals in the hopes of getting pregnant again.

There are lots of very effective reversible birth control methods (more effective than tubal ligation even), so there is no need to do anything right away. I would recommend waiting at least a year before making a decision that would be permanent.
Aimee

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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby dwtegli » Apr 28, 2013 6:39 pm

I have definitely also been there. I said that will all three of my children. It took me five years to decide to do it again after the first one, and about 2 months to say never ever again. And I 100% meant it. However when I went in to schedule getting my tubes tied I was pregnant again. I was horribly upset and desperate. I did NOT want to do it again. I did though, and I have three gorgeous, healthy kids that I wouldn't trade for the world. It was horrible, but we made it, and it was worth it. However, after my son was born, less than two months later I had a hysterectomy. There was no way I could ever do it again.

I agree with Aimee, waiting a year is a good idea, there are many other very effective things to use until then.
Wendy,
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There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby Chedasha » Aug 08, 2013 12:33 am

It is because you are living it. I felt pretty similar whilst living it.

I am not having anymore. HG is a big reason but not the only. I can see how people end up going again as our minds are tricky and you do forget the relentess torture of it. You start to think that perhaps it wasn't so bad when it was.

I am not saying you will go again. But your heart/mind may want too and you may have to keep reminding yourself of the HG.
DD Estella Dawn 06/06/2011
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby witch_baby » Aug 08, 2013 4:13 pm

I am 24 weeks pregnant and currently hate my life. I regularly wish I wasn't pregnant, had an abortion or would go into early labor. I can't wait until I give birth so I am not miserable anymore. I seriously doubt I will feel better before giving birth, the medications don't work and have side effects and doctors aren't really helpful besides handing out pills. I can't work, sit at home all day nauseous and drugged doing nothing. I usually spend at least one hour a day crying and the rest being in a horrible mood and unpleasant. I used to think I wanted two kids but I can't handle pregnancy. It's truly the most miserable experience of my life. I have been well beyond the point of thinking positively for awhile. I am burnt out from feeling horrible 24/7 for 5 months.
Edit: Before pregnancy, I was a happy, active person. I wanted two children. I had planned this pregnancy and was happy at first. I just thought my morning sickness would be nasty then pass like regular morning sickness. I have had one miscarriage, for the entire month, I was so nauseous I took Zofran and had the HG diagnosis (already). I didn't really research HG, I just thought and was told it was a more severe type of morning sickness. I was also told every pregnancy is different and that the second time I may be fine and not have morning sickness. I never thought the initial morning sickness feeling would get this bad and last this long. It increased towards the middle to end of my first trimester and has stayed that way ever since.
I have a background in psychology and have worked with special needs individuals (children, teenagers, adults and seniors). I do understand my feelings are normal, not always healthy and that it's just a reaction to being sick so long & probably from some of the medications. I am hoping once the hormones and HG pass I will be a good parent. I am sometimes afraid i will resent the baby, find it not worth the horrible pregnancy or my body will take forever to recover.
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Re: I'm not strong enough!

Postby MamaJessie » Aug 14, 2013 1:05 pm

Witch-baby I TOTALLY know where you are coming from and I'm so sorry for it! I was there just 2 weeks ago-crying in the ER as I puked into a Kroger bag while peeing on myself at the same time and going "I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant, why is my life like THIS?!" It's just been the past few days where everything sucks a little less. At night I still feel like death, but my days have been a little better. The nausea, vomiting, and lonely feelings of hopeless are just terrible. The worst part is, you hardly ever meet someone in "real" life that has HG. It's lonely, scary, and HORRIBLE! You will get through this, and I doubt you will have any issues resenting your baby. That baby comes out and the nausea and vomiting leave, and the world seems bright again. Some times it does take awhile to fully recoop, but it happens. I had HG amnesia after my first DD, but seriously doubt I will EVER go through this awful mess again! Especially bc of my 3rd tri. relapse. I'll make sure to keep you in my prayers and hope you are starting to have a little less nausea (mine went down a little weeks 24-32-then I over did it and relapse hit HARD).
Payton- 03/2011 Moderate HG 5 weeks-birth
Palmer 9/2013 Moderate HG (Worse) -birth
"I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:3
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So ill

Postby chann1706 » Aug 29, 2013 10:49 am

I am 22 weeks pregnant and I am so ill. Being through HG two times prior I thought I could handle one more child. But I guess then I was younger and could take things more in stride. I cry all day everyday. Around 20 weeks the nausea calmed down but came back at my 22 week mark. Im tired of living like this. Im at the point I have anxiety attacks from the vomiting, fatigue, and just out right constant worry. My Fetal Medicine Dr. but me on ativan as a last resort because nothing helps with the nausea. And this had provided me with some relief. But this whole pregnancy has been a nightmare!!! :cry:
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